So while watching hockey on TSN, Canada’s major sports network, I was lucky enough to see the analysts discussing the idea of a “Bobby Orr Award” for the highest scoring defenseman in the league.

This is a terrible idea on so many levels for a number of reasons. First of all, lets say a defensemen wins the scoring title one year, does he win the Art Ross AND the Bobby Orr award? If so, then it’s only fair that forwards should have a scoring trophy alotted only to them. So now we have to make TWO new awards instead of one. Why bother? To glorify the greatest curse that ever plagued hockey, Bobby Orr?

Now for the most important reason, why oh why would you name a trophy after a player as poor and despicable as Bobby Orr? If this were to happen, then all of the leagues trophies might as well be renamed. Lets make a list of what we might change those names to.

The Art Ross Trophy: Awarded to the player with the most points at the end of the season. My suggestion for this one would be the Ken Daneko Trophy, honoring Ken Daneko who managed to go 8 of his last 9 seasons without breaking double digits for points. If Orr deserves a trophy, why not him?

The Jack Adams Award: Awarded to the coach of the year. This trophy is a perfect candidate to be renamed the Jim Anderson Award. Jim Anderson coached the 1974-75 Washington Capitals to an impressive 4 wins while suffering only 45 losses.

The Vezina Trophy: The award given to the top goaltender. This trophy would without a doubt be renamed the Buzinski Trophy after goaltender Steve Buzinski. Nicknamed “The Puck Goes In-ski”, Buzinski accumulated 9 career games and posted a stellar career Goals-Against Average of 5.89.

The Bill Masterson Memorial Trophy: Awarded to the player who most displays qualities of perserverance and sportsmanship. Whats more sporting than cheating players out of their pensions? As such this award will be renamed The Alan Eagleson Trophy.

The Lady Bing Trophy: Awarded to the player who most displays gentlemanly conduct. Easy. This one will be renamed The Marty McSorely Trophy. Was there ever a more gentlemanly player? Remember that time he tried to clean Donald Brashear’s helmet with his stick, just out of the goodness of his heart? He deserves this honor.

And the list goes on and on. We could rename ALL the trophies but I think the point is made. Creating a Bobby Orr Trophy would be an undeserved honor and a mockery of those who deservingly have trophies in their names.